reason to leave-sadly

after 1 day with his big big famly , i think i got all the reason of letting him go .god , look at me . xlayak kot .mcm xde jodoh plk . obviously im not rite for him . i dont think his family want me . ya allah .tolong laa aku mmg sayang kat die tapi aku ngn die mcm langit ngn bumi . aku kasar etc . im not perfect to be nice .aku tade dis sifat kesoponan .by looking at his family nmpk sgt .aku bodoh comparing to his fmily .malu nye aku .one day with his fmly cukup nmpk aku sgt2 beza ngn dorg .mase tuh aku bukan segan sgt tpi aku maluu gile and rase amat amat sedih .fmly first doh . letting him go i think is the best way for me to do . aku taw dorg xske aku .so xkn aku nk bantah kan .tapela .kalau bukan ini cerita aku .aku bla jela .aku datang from a non background family yang baik . i mean , aku tak pernah belajar untuk jadi the real girl should be like .aku bukan baik pn .somehow aku malu duduk sane . biar la aku cri yg betul2 standard aku .ade ke? mcm xde .tah laa . i have all the reason of letting him go tapi aku xnk . sedih nye . aku rase bia la die yang tinggal kan aku atleast biar aku yang kene tinggal . sounds stupid? i noe .tpi it hurts more n more kalau aku xwat cmni . aku xnk kang nanti pasal aku gadoh besar bagai . tapela .nk tunggu aku berubah ke ? aku ni cengeng , cpt putus asa .berubah mcm jauh je nampak . kalau da bukan ini jalan aku , aku kene redha la . i'll tell him someday bout this .beratnye . sedih nye .aku mcm wat mistake yang same for a second time . aku malu jadi aku , maluuu sgt2 . aku cibai kan . aku taw . fuck! aku mcm dah xbrani dah nk wat pape lepas ni . aku malu gile .rase mcm sgt2 terhina .hina kan ? tah la . memikirkan layak ke aku have someone in my life? better aku jadi mcm dulu .single freak .atleast ape aku buat sume sorg2 . xde aku malukan org .susah kan org .die buat aku depend atas die .aku xnk jadi optimist or hopeful . so biar la aku sorg balik . i'm leaving him if this is the best way .mcm aku slalu sebut . if hurts that makes me happy or shall i said them . then , give me hurt . dengan mcm mana care pn his family is his first . so i wouldnt let it change.