Thursday, May 17, 2012

long loooongggggggg so called "writing"

its around 5am now, 18th may 2012. past mothers day, teachers day and as well my arwah mama's birthday. i've been wanted to write something for quite long but real life bugs me.

this past  2 weeks i have been busy rearrange my new printing shop. this mean, i have stop most of the things that i have plan to do. I'm sorry for that. somehow my connection with social world was coincidentally been cut off. i dont have my laptop because izzaz is using it for his finals, i gave my PC to sadiq (designer/my friend) at the shop so that he can do his work, my blackberry has been barred, and all i have is my sony ericson which 2days off. so yeah, i am anti-social.

but the eager of writing is really pushing itself to the limits. i did not know when i would have time to start writing. but today, god has answered it by let my brother leave my dad's laptop in my room, thank you.  again, coldplay-fix you set to repeat, and here it goes.

-hodoh lagi la writing aku. shit. tapa2, slow2

happy birthday mama

 mama,

(10th may 2012)

if you're still here, i may have blow candles and kiss you while saying "happy birthday and i really love you". but god loves you more and i accepted that. and so, if you can hear this, i would really want to tell you whats has been happening in my life, your sons and daughters life, and dad.

mama, i don't know how many times i have said this to you but kak jah is doing a great job on taking care of us. ayah decisions on choosing her to became his wife is one wised decision. even though it has been through really bad rocks along the way, but by gods will, we make it through of that. we also been gifted 2 brothers and 1 sister. they are so selfish,naughty and annoying but i love them with all my heart. we called them nazrul,naufal and nana. there's another one coming, and I'll pray that the baby is a gift too.

mama, i am 23 now and becoming more like you. I've realized that, ayah realized that and so as few people who know you realized that. my face start shaping like you, i talk as loud as you, lead like you, my passion on organizing, managing something and doing business also like you. in fact, ayah even  told me, i even as clumsy as you. I'm glad, because when god has taken you, it shape me to be you so when i miss you, i can always look at the mirror, and there was you. syukur alhamdulilah

along my crazy hectic life mama,i meet izzaz. u should meet him too mama. but if you're here, i think you wouldn't accept him at first. mama, just like you and dad, we've meet when i was studying my diploma in fine arts, and eventually he was in the same class with me. we are enemies at first, but i don't know, were ended together somehow. izzaz has been such a good guy to me.we've been through a lot of things together, were in love like normal teenager do, we share happiness, do crazy and stupid stuff and still rock the world. and alhamdullilah,with all the stupidity, we still make it through the end by taking our scroll as fine art students. izzaz was always there when i cried like a baby or mad like you. he just going to be there either be a walking sculpture or as a pillow. i hope that my relationship will lasted like you and dad. until my last breath. izzaz passion in photography is very deep, because of that, he continues his degree in photography. i didn't because i got an offer from one of ayah's project for one year contract. i really don't want to start on that, it just ruined the moment.then i work for few other several company and now with ayah's support, i started my own printing shop with abang,izzaz and izzaz brother; irfan. i hope that this shop will be a good start for me mama because i really want to do something that related to my passion, which is art.

mama, ayah is like a superman but in a real life. until today, i still cant figure out how he manage to survive and still acts like a dad and raised us. he's been through almost everything, after sorrow and pain loosing you, he's been lied from his friend, going through with financial issued,lied again,financial again,stress of work, quit, financial again. but all of that, still manage to raised 8 UN-describable human being. which technically, his kids. i am really thankful that god has put me to be his daughter and mama, i love him so much, and it hurts if one day i have to accept the fact that he will be with you too. I'll pray of his long -lasting life every time i could think of if. and everyday i think of it.

mama, if you're still here, you can call yourself as 'nenek'. 3 years ago, angah got married to a soft spoken woman name kak mira, and a year after that, abang is married to white petite name kak su. with gods willing, he has brought a gift to abang and kak su a cute chubby and cries a lot baby girl name nayli shazea.. angah and kak mira still haven't got any baby yet. but its okay, i will pray that one day they will. maybe god dosent what they have a baby now because angah is still studying his master. maybe he wanted him to be successful first then granted the gift. maybe, who would know. but we will always pray for the best for them. amin

you must wanted to know hows achik and dyna right? they are doing fine. they growing so fast even i didn't even realized it. achik is now waiting to further his diploma and dyna is just reached high-school.i promise to you that i will try my best taking care of them even if the say the don't need it too. i wish you could see how they look like now. sometime they can be a really pain in my butt due to their ignorance skills. what can i do, it just runs in the blood. i love them. i love all of them. and i know as much as i really miss you, i think they also would felt the same.  we starts our life back again with pretty hard edge but somehow, we manage to live still.

so mama, every year on the 10th may i will always want to write you a letter. weather in hand writing and i kept it in my book or in here, my blog. i pray for you every time i miss you, every time i think of you, every time i did something. just every time in my episodes of life.and every 10th may is a new steps for me. a steps to take my self closer to god. Allah S. W. T

and in 10th may, we will individually remembers is your birthday, we cherish by hearts, pray and for a moment, we think you're still here. i think .


goodbye mama, i love you.


kakak-